Holiday laughter.... #RB4U #MFRWauthor #WRWbuzz

It's been quite some time since I posted to my blogs, a lot has been happening, and very little of it good. But, it's the holiday, the end of another year is approaching quickly, and I thought it might be fun to share a bit of laughter with everyone... So, here we go! A long time ago, as in several decades ago, a friend of mine wrote this quirky and funny holiday poem. It's been a while since I shared it, so I thought it might give a few chuckles since it's that time of year again!! Happy Holidays everyone, however you celebrate during this season.

T'was the Month Before Christmas

T’was the month before Christmas, and all through the store

Each department was dripping with Yuletide decor

The Muzak was blaring an out-of-tune carol

And fake snow was falling on “Ladies Apparel”

I’d flown many miles from the North Pole this day

To check on reports which had caused me dismay

I’d come to this store but for one special reason

To see for myself what went on at this season

I hid in a corner and in a short while

I saw the store President march down the aisle

He shouted an order to “Turn the store tree on!”

And also “NOEL” in blinding pink neon

Up high hanging grandly from twin gold supports

Four hundred pink angels flew over “Men’s Shorts”

And towering up over the rear Mezzanine

A 90-foot, day-glow “Nativity Scene”

The clock on the wall said a quarter to nine

The floorwalkers proudly stood in a line

I watched while the President smelled their carnations

Then called out his final command—“Man your stations!”

When out on the street there arose such a roar

It rang to the rafters and boomed through the store

It sounded exactly like street repair drilling

Or maybe another big mafia killing?

I looked to the door and there banging the glass

Was a clamouring, shrieking, hysterical mass

And I felt from the tone of each scream and each curse

That the “Spirit of Christmas” had changed for the worse

The clock it struck nine and the door opened wide

And that great human avalanche came thundering inside

More fearsome than Sherman attacking Atlanta

Came parents and kiddies with just one goal—“Santa”

In front stormed the Mothers all brandishing handbags

As heavy and deadly as twenty-pound sandbags

With gusto they swung them, the better to smash ears

Of innocent floorwalkers, buyers, and cashiers

Straight up to the Fifth Floor the mob penetrated

And soon reach the room where the store Santa waited

I followed them closely, the better to see

This bearded imposter who dared to play me

He stood six-foot-five and weighed all of one-thirty

He’d lost half his teeth, and his costume was dirty

His beard dangled down like a wad of cheap cotton

His breath needed “Scope” and his “Ho-Ho” was rotten

Egged on by their parents the kids had one aim

To get to this man who was using my name

They mobbed him and mauled him, the better to plead

For the presents they sought in their hour of greed

The President watched with a gleam in his eye

As he thought of the toys that the parents would buy

Of all Christmas come-ons this crowd would attest

That visit to “Santa” was clearly the best

It was all too much for my soul to condone

And I let out a most UN-professional moan

The crowd turned quickly, and I’ll say for their sake

That they knew in an instant I wasn’t a fake

“I’ve had it,” I told them, “with fast-buck promoting!

“With gimmicks and come-ons, and businessmen gloating!

“This garish display of commercialized greed,

“Is so very UN-Christmas it makes my heart bleed.”

With that I departed up an emergency stairwell

Deaf to each plea, and hysterical yell

On reaching the roof to my sleigh I went forth

Where my reindeer were waiting to take me back North

The crowd came behind me and begged me to stay

And before they could stop me, I was off in my sleigh

But I turned to exclaim as I flew from the mob

“Happy Christmas to all—I’m resigning my job!”