Monday, December 28, 2020

Here comes 2021!

Another year is coming to a quick end. I can’t honestly say it’s been the best of years as we’ve faced a global pandemic that pretty much changed life as we know it, but all in all, there’s been a lot to be grateful for, too, and I’d rather focus on that than dwell on the bad stuff. That said, we all have to acknowledge the losses so many people have faced, be it the loss of loved ones who died alone, or businesses that have fallen prey to closure or failure that had nothing to do with anything other than fate and the state of our world just now. Those losses are tragic and will have effects on many that will never really leave them no matter what changes lie ahead of us in the coming year.

COVID-19 had affected everyone on the planet in one way or another. If you’ve been one of the fortunate ones who hasn’t had a direct impact, take a moment to be grateful that you’ve escaped what has scarred and scared so many humans on this earth. The dedication to science and survival has given us vaccines that may slow this nightmare down and get it under control so we can live our lives again without fear guiding each decision we make from day to day. I hope so. The divisiveness that has been a worse plague on humanity in recent times is probably a bigger and more lethal disease than any virus, so I hope as we look ahead that people discover we are stronger as a whole than we will ever be divided. Or, as our Prime Minister is known to say, it’s our diversity that makes us stronger, as a country, and as a people. Not his exact words, of course, but my interpretation of them.

Many of you know me simply as an author who no longer writes or publishes. I miss it, more than I realized until recently. I’ve tinkered here and there with the idea of attempting to create again, but it’s been a frustrating effort on a good day. I may never find a way to make the words work the way they used to, and most days that’s all right. But I won’t ever say I don’t miss it, because I really do. Writing and creating stories held my sanity together through many years of depression and sadness. My mental health is now better than it’s ever been, as well as my physical health, but there is an empty well that can’t seem to fill with the absence or words and worlds.

I’m facing a lot of change and challenge in my emotional well-being these days, and I hope I can continue to deal with what life brings to me in a way that retains positivity and hope. Nothing ever turns out quite the way we anticipate; that lesson visits on a regular basis whether you want it or not, but that’s the way most things in life teach. I accept myself much more easily than I once did, flaws and strengths equally. Where I used to see only the clouds, I now attempt to find the silver linings. Most days it works. Some days it doesn’t.

Whatever your hopes and dreams are for this brave new year, I wish you courage, determination, and resilience to achieve what you need to be at peace with yourself and your life. Remember to be as kind to yourself as you would to the people you love, it’s not as easy, but every bit as essential to your soul. Be well. Be happy. And be safe. In all your endeavours. For the most part, we are all a lot more loved than we ever realize. When the shadows gather in your heart, and you can’t find the light, never hesitate to ask someone else to help you find it. You’d be surprised how bright your world suddenly becomes. I refuse to give up on people because I know we’re mostly decent, just occasionally victims of our own fears, real and/or imagined in some cases. Whatever your faith is, wherever you draw your strength, I hope it is always within your reach as we move forward to face whatever is ahead of us.

Cheers and Blessings to all ~ D

Friday, July 17, 2020


It's been a long time since I tried to capture a mood with words...I'm not very good at it anymore, clearly... But, I've decided to put it out there anyway... I miss the words, and the stories. Thank you for indulging me. Be well, and stay safe, friends.


Twilight is such a numinous time, with the day slipping into memory as night awakens to throw concealing shadows over what lingers of the light. The sky above is littered with sparkling jewels, brilliant fragments of diamond sharp contrast against a deepening purple cloak.
I turn onto the street, pleased. There’s no traffic. It’s a weekday, and nearing midnight, most of the time I’ll have the road to myself. Just how I like it! Speed is not the motivation or desire, the quietude is the reason I do this. The smooth motion of the car as it glides into the ceaseless curves, taking them easily–like the certain, experienced stroke of a confident hand skimming over quivering flesh, waking hungry passions.
The night enfolds me, slipping around my shoulders, diving deep into my lungs as I breathe, and smile. Music. The quick press of a button and a favourite playlist begins to fill the near-silence with familiar rhythms. Music has always been a mood influencer for me, it can drive out the madness of the day, or fears that lead to the madness. It can infuse my spirit with strength and determination, or softness and compassion. The words unite to calm, excite, express…whatever is needed to bring me to the end of this night’s journey.
Flowing curves in the road, even speed of the car, slick tempo of the notes swirling around me… it’s all part of a ritualistic seeking for tranquility at the end of the journey travelled today.
My days have changed so radically in recent years. A once solitary existence has become a rumination, somewhat distant, and in place of that quiet, unobtrusive life is a buzzing, interactive hum of ceaseless motion. So many more obligations, so many more people. Yet, it’s exciting and challenging, and fraught with new ways to explore who I am. And, to see what I may yet become.
The first step on this new excursion may have been terror and loss, but it has taken much less than it has given. I decided early as I stepped on this path, gratitude would win over loss. It’s been a sound judgement call so far. Ironically, there is a lot to be grateful for, more than I could have imagined the night my life changed because of a car crash.
The atmosphere of this darkness is thickening, shades grow more intense, imagination responds with shocking immediacy. Tiny, restless tendrils of fear awaken, the kind of thrilling awareness that you know doesn’t mean danger, just imagined things that could terrify if they were real.
The kilometres add up, and my ritual of calming claims me. Sleep will come quickly tonight.
Another twist in the road ahead. Headlights reflect off the guardrails, warning me of the approach, and I slow in response. Everything happens at once, the sound of screeching tires as the other car takes the turn too fast…the acrid smell of rubber clinging to the road in an effort to stop the unfolding tableau…then the astonishing, deafening crunch of metal and shattering of glass showering the road…
All in a split second that hangs suspended in time before a blink ends in total blackness…

©2020 17 July