Friday, July 17, 2020


It's been a long time since I tried to capture a mood with words...I'm not very good at it anymore, clearly... But, I've decided to put it out there anyway... I miss the words, and the stories. Thank you for indulging me. Be well, and stay safe, friends.


Twilight is such a numinous time, with the day slipping into memory as night awakens to throw concealing shadows over what lingers of the light. The sky above is littered with sparkling jewels, brilliant fragments of diamond sharp contrast against a deepening purple cloak.
I turn onto the street, pleased. There’s no traffic. It’s a weekday, and nearing midnight, most of the time I’ll have the road to myself. Just how I like it! Speed is not the motivation or desire, the quietude is the reason I do this. The smooth motion of the car as it glides into the ceaseless curves, taking them easily–like the certain, experienced stroke of a confident hand skimming over quivering flesh, waking hungry passions.
The night enfolds me, slipping around my shoulders, diving deep into my lungs as I breathe, and smile. Music. The quick press of a button and a favourite playlist begins to fill the near-silence with familiar rhythms. Music has always been a mood influencer for me, it can drive out the madness of the day, or fears that lead to the madness. It can infuse my spirit with strength and determination, or softness and compassion. The words unite to calm, excite, express…whatever is needed to bring me to the end of this night’s journey.
Flowing curves in the road, even speed of the car, slick tempo of the notes swirling around me… it’s all part of a ritualistic seeking for tranquility at the end of the journey travelled today.
My days have changed so radically in recent years. A once solitary existence has become a rumination, somewhat distant, and in place of that quiet, unobtrusive life is a buzzing, interactive hum of ceaseless motion. So many more obligations, so many more people. Yet, it’s exciting and challenging, and fraught with new ways to explore who I am. And, to see what I may yet become.
The first step on this new excursion may have been terror and loss, but it has taken much less than it has given. I decided early as I stepped on this path, gratitude would win over loss. It’s been a sound judgement call so far. Ironically, there is a lot to be grateful for, more than I could have imagined the night my life changed because of a car crash.
The atmosphere of this darkness is thickening, shades grow more intense, imagination responds with shocking immediacy. Tiny, restless tendrils of fear awaken, the kind of thrilling awareness that you know doesn’t mean danger, just imagined things that could terrify if they were real.
The kilometres add up, and my ritual of calming claims me. Sleep will come quickly tonight.
Another twist in the road ahead. Headlights reflect off the guardrails, warning me of the approach, and I slow in response. Everything happens at once, the sound of screeching tires as the other car takes the turn too fast…the acrid smell of rubber clinging to the road in an effort to stop the unfolding tableau…then the astonishing, deafening crunch of metal and shattering of glass showering the road…
All in a split second that hangs suspended in time before a blink ends in total blackness…

©2020 17 July


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