Retirement W5 rundown #RB4U #RomFantasy #MFRWauthor

A few days ago I announced that I was retiring from writing and publishing. It wasn’t done for effect, or attention. It was a simple statement of intent on my part. Since that announcement, a surprising number of people have asked me why I’d give up a lifelong dream when I’ve achieved a decent success. Ironically, I don’t see success, I see a lot of work for little return over the past eleven years. People define their successes in ways as unique as they themselves are, so it’s all a relative question. I decided I’d try to answer some of the questions I’ve been asked by going back to my journalism and approaching this from the W5 perspective. With that in mind, it occurred to me only one of those Ws really mattered at this stage, the why part of the equation. Still, let’s do it right…

Who: That would be me, obviously.

What: Retiring from the dream of a lifetime job.

When: Effective almost immediately – I have two contracted stories waiting for final edits and release dates, and one more pending…

Where: Anywhere books are sold, social media, websites, etc.

And the big one, the really complex angle, the WHY of it all: I’m sure a lot of readers have seen blogs and announcements like this in recent years, and everyone has their reasons for setting aside the goals and dreams of a lifetime. I can only tell you why it’s come to this point for me.

I’ve spent eleven years building a network that includes some of the most talented and wonderful authors in the business, and fabulous readers and friends. It’s been the joy in a business that has grown increasingly difficult over the past decade. We all do this for different reasons, I’ve discovered. Most start out because they love the writing, the crafting of words into worlds and relationships that enchant readers and make them want to read more. I’ve been passionate about the written word for as long as I can remember, my house is overflowing with books and always has been that way. Sometimes to the dismay of people around me.

When I started writing it was magical, and so rewarding to me. I wrote fan fiction for almost twenty years, and there was no monetary return, only the appreciation of the people who read the stories, enjoyed them, and sometimes wrote to me to tell me I’d made them smile. I loved it. It was enough. But it fuelled a desire to do this professionally, to make it a career, and to be successful at it. In 2004, I got my chance to begin a new journey, as a professional author. I was beyond thrilled…and still marvel at the chance/luck that opened this business to me.

I’ll skip the rehash of the journey and cut to the chase for a change. (I’ve been told often I’m too wordy, and I know it’s true.) I’ve watched as the publishing business has mutated, shifted, struggled, and hit amazing highs, and equally amazing lows. I’ve seen quality disintegrate, rebound, and while it’s wobbly at the moment, I do believe we’re moving back to a place where good books are being offered to a public that is as jaded and discouraged as many authors are most days. The optimist in me likes to believe that trend will continue now that it’s begun.

Let me tell you some of the negatives that led to my believing there is really no place for me in this business. First, let’s talk about money, because when you look at a career, you expect to get paid for your work. In the past five years alone I’ve made less than a thousand dollars–on titles that add up to several dozen books. Piracy has cost me upwards of $10,000, and that’s on the sites that are bold enough to actually give a download count on the pages where my books are being given away free of charge. I can only guess at how much more it is when I factor in sites I don’t even know about. I’ve seen/heard a lot of arguments about piracy helping to get your name out to the public, even seen authors who think it’s something to crow over because it means they’re important enough to be pirated. I call it what it is, theft. Some people say these are not the people who’d buy your book anyway, and that could be true, but it doesn’t negate the stolen payment for the years of work put into this career. So, money is huge, especially when you know thieves are the ones collecting on your hard work.

Then there’s the search to find a niche in the market, an audience that is loyal to you and supports you. I have a tracked network of over 12 million via my social sites and websites, much as it amazes me. In spite of that, I can’t find a readership when new books come out. I gave up writing erotic romance, it’s a genre I don’t feel comfortable in anyway. I took time out, spent the past couple of years relearning writing craft. I felt confident and hopeful about starting over. That died quickly when my last novel was rejected for reasons that have little to do with my skill as a writer, and a lot to do with track records, readership–or lack thereof–and even a failure to have become less diverse over the years. To say that I’m discouraged is a monumental understatement.

In my heart, I want to write, to create beautiful, romantic stories that will touch the hearts of those who do read the books… by the same token, I struggle daily with the question of whether or not it’s worth the time and energy, and caring, that goes into this for me. I’m the only one who can answer that one, of course, and maybe it’ll be clear one day soon. The one driving force in all my writing was the pleasure others took in the stories, and when they were excited about what I was creating, I worked that much harder and drove myself to write the best story I could possibly dream up. I’ve even been spared the harsh reviews that most writers have to suffer, and say with complete honesty that about 90% of all my reviews are positive. That doesn’t excuse the ignorance that social media and the internet has bred with such abandon, and what I read in reviews makes me shake my head at times…

In the meantime, the question remains for me–is it time to retire? Will anyone give a damn if I never publish another word? I will…this is the one and only thing I wanted to do with my life, and until recently I believed with all I am that I could make a success of it… all I have at the moment are uncertainties, and confusion. And doubts… so many, many doubts…