I’ve done a lot of blogs over the past year that were me speaking out about various things. For the most part, it seems I was speaking for many people who don’t have a voice, because the responses were amazing. I’ve had a sort of epiphany in recent weeks, and while I in no way regret the blogs, I do regret that they were often prompted by anger. Anger is such a negative thing, though in truth it can sometimes be used in positive ways. My attitude these days is more along the lines of tending to my business and my personal journey in this world of ours. We are ALL tied to each other in fundamental ways, but those who make it their life’s work to interfere and judge are not the people most of us want to be or associate with on a daily basis.
Social networking has created a new kind of predator, and a new kind of “friend” for a lot of people. I think as a whole, people still want to trust, and therefore they accept strangers at their word when they “meet” online and forge friendships. I’ve fallen prey to a predator, and I’ve learned that people I considered loving and loyal friends are as reliable and steady as the weather. All that love can vanish quickly the instant you disagree about something, and that’s a shock to people who really DO put their hearts out there.
Occasionally, you really are blessed and you meet people who become an active and REAL part of your life, despite being on different continents. I have friends I’ve never met all over this world, friendships that are now years told. Hell, truth be told, I still write to the lady who was my first pen pal, 40 years and counting Karen!! So, yes, I believe in the friendships we can and do forge in cyberspace. BUT, and this is huge for me, I will no longer be the “target of choice” for people who want to be my friend for as long as it takes to get to publishers, other authors, and anyone else I work with or know professionally. This is called USING, not friendship, and it’s happened quite often over the past couple of years.
A few months ago, a truly remarkable man spoke to me. He is not only absolutely beautiful on the outside, his spirit and energy is even more stunning. Through him, I discovered a few things about myself and my attitudes, and they’ve changed, radically, because of this man’s light. He reaffirmed many things I’ve always believed and cherished, but somehow lost in the battles I’ve been waging for much too long. That has meant a lot of changes that are more visible to me than anyone else.
We may share the road, but each of us is on our own unique and personal journey. Forgetting this basic truth can lead to a lot of negative and tragic emotional twisting and turning. The older I get the more I realize I know very little. However, I do know that I won’t waste any further energy on paranoia and pettiness, not if I am able to control my responses to those efforts to provoke. I am focused now on what I need to do, for myself, and in time for the people who care about me as I do them. I’ve been talked about, lied about, and judged by people I’ve never even spoken to in many cases. Where those things once ate away at my happiness and leeched away my hope, they mean nothing now. I’ve subscribed to the adage that what other people say and think about me is not my business, it’s theirs. My job is to keep my focus on what is needed to achieve my success, and do it–without hurting others, or using them.
When online, exercise caution when you extend your trust to people you really don’t know. You may be saving yourself a lot of heartbreak. Most of all, reach inside you and find your personal beauty of spirit, then let it shine and light your world as you touch those around you. All things for a reason, even if the way gets cloudy. I think if you can trust that, anything is possible. Stay strong, stay true to yourself, and most of all, don’t make anyone else responsible for your dreams. They are yours, cherish and respect them with an honest heart.
NOW, for fun, anyone who responds to this post is entered to win one of these two books, they’re both dangerous, sexy, paranormal, and HOT. I’ll choose two winners tomorrow at noon:
(Don't forget to leave your email address, and your format choice - the books are available in Kindle, ePub, and PDF)
STOLEN RAPTURE: When work brings Deluna Jordan face to face with a man who knows her better than she knows herself, she soon discovers he shares everything with his boss, including lovers…and a thirst for blood…and she is about to become the lucky recipient of all their desires…
HUNTERS’ GAME: In modern
two vampires stalk the night, their hunting a game that is seductive and
deadly. In a darkly compelling Goth Club, they find the prey they seek for
their pleasures, and the night runs crimson with blood and unquenchable
Also, drop by today’s
and check out my sexy desert island fantasy tale, STRANDED!
Comment, comment! :D I think a lot of what you respond to comes from your basic common sense anyway. There are far too many who just don't get it and you feel like you have to let them know what they are doing. I don't view it always as anger (although at times I knew you were) but rather constructive criticism. So, never regret speaking bluntly and to the point. You might have helped someone who didn't even realize how they were acting. :) Love ya' Miss Denyse! SueReplyDelete
I only know how to do direct and to the point, Sue. :) Thanks so much for coming by. Love you, too, my friend. *hugs*Delete
Great post to ponder, Denyse. I've seen that online "friend" stab friend scenario and it makes me very wary.ReplyDelete
I agree, anger just takes too much energy. We can't possibly be everything to everyone, we can only be true to ourselves. Those living on the same frequency will be drawn to it and honest relationships will come out of it. The others will fall by the wayside because it just isn't their particular path. Not right or wrong, just different.
And I think that banner is fabulous!
Thank you, Rose. Yes, we see too much of this "friend" stuff evaporate in the blink of an eye. At the end of the day, it had to be about the good things, and moving forward.Delete
Kayden McLeod's incredible talent on the banner... which matches all the lovely work she did for my website, too. She's wonderful!
Everyone is prone to anger and frustration, everyone gets hurt, wants to get ahead....ReplyDelete
The thing that really matters, is HOW these emotions are dealt with, and how to stop them all catching up and overwhelming the people involved.
I don't know the answer to that, I certainly don't 'get it right' all the time - I'd be lying to myself if I thought that. But that's what living is all about, working out HOW to deal with this stuff in your own way.
I agree, Lisa - I don't mind making mistakes, and I certainly own up to them, and ask to be forgiven if they cause someone else hurt. The user mindset that dominates so many people is the real problem so much of the time, so all we can do is tend to our own responses, and make them appropriate, or not at all. Thanks for coming by, love.Delete
Very positive thoughts, Denyse, and hopeful as well. Anger has its place, and can actually be useful in that time and place, but only with thought behind it. I'm pleased to hear that you're trying to put the worst of those experiences behind you and move forward. You do have a lot of real friends out here, and we care very much about you.ReplyDelete
Lots of hugs, dear.
Thanks so much, Roberta. And love and hugs right back to you, it's been about 20 years since we first met, too. Amazing...Delete
Thanks for the awesome giveaway. Please enter me.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Victoria. You're one of the winners. Which of the books would you like, and in what format? Email me via my website and I'll get back to you with your book.Delete
As always your words are eloquent and well said! I hope we always remain Cyber- friends! Thank You.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Debra. Very much. :)Delete
Thanks for sharing your positive post and thanks for the giveaway.ReplyDelete
Great post Denyse!ReplyDelete
I think that friendship and trust have to be earned. I'm so glad you and our clan of friends have come together. It's the best writing family ever! :)